I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
