I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
