help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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