Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
