I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
