ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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