Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
