She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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