i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
