she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
