also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
