OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
