THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
