I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude i'm inner monologue high
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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