Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
