Only a mothe r could love this liver
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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