Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
