Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
