Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
