Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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