are you still at the devil's house?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Duck Duck Cougar?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
