I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
