I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
