If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The adults are the big ones right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
