omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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