How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
