and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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