I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
