I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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