I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
