in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
