just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
