Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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