Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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