i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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