Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
