I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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