Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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