Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She announced her abortion via fbk
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
