my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So much rum. So many feels.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
