Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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