I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
