It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
