I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
