new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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