Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
