dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Randomize
