I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
