is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
