My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
