We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Damn victory sex feels great
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
